


You're Not Yourself (Come Back)

by Child_Of_Wonderland



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo (Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments) [17]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Demonic Possession, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Guilty Magnus Bane, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Feels, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Feels, Sad Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 18:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20050687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Child_Of_Wonderland/pseuds/Child_Of_Wonderland
Summary: Possession can make people do crazy things- murder, abuse, etc. Alec doesn't know how to handle it when Magnus turns against him under a demon's influence.***Or Magnus gets possessed and hurts Alec under the influence.





	You're Not Yourself (Come Back)

**Author's Note:**

> I got a BIT carried away with this one because I just enjoyed the prompt! Also, if anyone has any idea of what I can write next please help, I'm almost done with the bingo and I need something to busy myself with next!
> 
> Prompt: Demonic/Ghostly Possession

“Magnus?” Alec calls as he walks through the door, glancing around the seemingly empty loft as he toes off his boots and lies his bow down. The loft looks as if a hurricane went off inside and Alec reaches back for his bow in an instant, glancing around for the warlock that lived here desperately.

“Magnus?!” Alec calls again before reaching back to notch an arrow in his bow. He passes an overturned couch as he makes his way down the hall towards Magnus’s study. There’s a strange summoning circle on the study floor but Alec doesn’t think anything of it as he glances around before continuing on his search for the warlock. Alec shoulders open the balcony doors, finding Magnus standing with his back to the door and Alec almost drops the bow in relief. He takes a step towards the warlock, reaching out to set a hand on Magnus’s shoulder when he turns around and Alec almost does a double take. Magnus’s normally friendly eyes are filled with hate and anger as he stalks towards Alec with a disgusted look on his face. Alec’s eyes widen as he takes a step back, raising his hands in what he hopes is a calming gesture but Magnus just keeps coming towards him.

“Whoa, Magnus, did I do something wrong?” Alec asks as his back hits the brick wall beside the balcony door. Magnus chuckles cruelly and his eyes flicker, but instead of the normal golden eyes, his eyes are black. They’re staring at Alec with a disgusted look as he presses a hand beside Alec’s head.

“Oh no dear shadowhunter.” Magnus sneers, glaring at him as he steps back and contemplates the shadowhunter that is standing in front of him, “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say? Tell you that you’re doing nothing wrong and everything is perfectly fine between us? That’s what makes you happy right? Well not me, not anymore!” Magnus is practically seething all of the sudden and Alec sucks in a surprised breath as soon as Magnus finishes speaking. He flinches away from the angry tone and Magnus smirks, eyes evil and uncaring. 

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice cracks as he stares at Magnus, a begging tone in his voice as he reaches forward to touch the warlock. Alec almost cries when Magnus slaps his hand away before stepping back with a disgusted look.

“You really thought that I would date someone like you? A shadowhunter?” Magnus raises an eyebrow before starting to laugh viciously, “You really did? Wow, you really are naive.” He rolls his eyes and his eyes flicker over, revealing the completely black pupils that has Alec’s heart racing. This can’t be Magnus, Magnus would never say such things to Alec and the eyes just prove it further. Alec’s mind flickers back to the summoning circle on the floor of Magnus’s study and he knows that it must be a demon, that’s the only explanation. Alec wonders briefly if he’s desperate for an excuse for the reason that Magnus is treating him this way but he has to force the thought away. Magnus would never say such things to anyone, he’s too kind and caring to do that.

“Magnus, I know you’re in there.” Alec begs and it just sends the demon into a laughing fit, staring at Alec with disgusted eyes.

“Oh I am right here.” Magnus laughs as Alec steps forward but the demon is too fast, slamming into him as soon as Alec gets too close. The two of them fly through the glass balcony door, Alec taking the brunt of the glass and fall. He doesn’t want to hurt Magnus and tries to figure a quick plan but before he can, Magnus is back on his feet with a cruel look. He nails a kick straight into Alec’s side and Alec coughs before swiping his leg out, knocking the demon to the ground as he scrambles on top of Magnus. Alec presses his hands to the ground, using his legs to hold Magnus down as much as possible and tries to ignore the hurt in the way Magnus struggles.

“He doesn’t love you! I can hear it all, he hates you. You hold him back, you’re boring, you’re nothing to him!” Magnus shouts in Alec’s face as Alec leans down to press his forearm on his throat, “You’re just a pretty boy that he wants around for a good time.” Alec tries to not let the words get to him, he knows it’s not Magnus that’s really saying these things. But hearing it from Magnus’s face in Magnus’s voice breaks him entirely. 

“I’m sorry Magnus.” Alec whispers as Magnus’s eyes start to roll backwards and as soon as the warlock goes limp under him, Alec is flying to his feet. He scrambles back away from Magnus, tears starting to well up as the words that Magnus had just said come flying back to him. He scrambles for his phone, dialing Catarina’s number and tries to steady himself with a shaky breath.

“Alec?” Catarina asks through the phone, “I’m at work. Is Magnus okay? Or is something wrong with Madzie?” Alec can hear the fear in her voice and he tries to open his mouth to speak but all that comes out is a broken sob.

“Magnus.” Alec chokes out, “He needs your help, I don’t know.” Alec’s voice is wavering and he can hear Catarina take a worried breath before she’s speaking softly to someone off the phone. He catches snippets of what she’s saying, something about family and her needing to leave but Alec can’t make it out. The demon’s words keep assaulting him and another small sob breaks from his pressed lips. His cheeks are wet but Alec can’t stop it, his hands are shaking like leaves and he stands suddenly. 

“I’m on my way.” Catarina declares and before Alec can respond, she's hung up. Alec holds the beeping phone in his hand for a minute before pocketing it quickly and sliding his shoes back on. The whooshing sound of a portal alerts him to Catarina’s appearance but he can’t bring himself to turn around, not wanting to burden anyone else with his issues. 

“I’ve got to go.” Alec states in lieu of a greeting before practically fleeing the loft like there is a horde of demons on his tail. He knows Catarina will take care of Magnus but Alec can’t bring himself to be there right now, not with the words that Magnus said flying around his mind. It wasn’t Magnus, Alec knows that rationally but he can’t help it. The words had come from Magnus’s mouth in Magnus’s voice and Alec had been staring at Magnus as they were shouted at him. The disgust and hate that came from Magnus had completely broken Alec’s resolve. Years of disappointment and hatred come streaming back and Alec runs. He runs until he can’t breathe anymore and his lungs burn so much he thinks he might collapse on the concrete sidewalk. His legs shake from the exertion and Alec’s chest heaves with much needed breath. Everything hurts and despite the exertion he had just put his body through, Alec’s heart is hurting much more than anything else. Magnus had said things that Alec had been so sure he would never hear from Magnus and just the words hurt. Alec is sure tears are still streaming down his cheeks and he’s glad that he is glamoured so that no mundanes would see him. He’s sure he looks like a mess as he collapses against the building in the alley. His phone rings and when Alec pulls it out, Jace’s contact photo lights up his face. Alec debates for a moment before ending the call and stuffing the phone back in his pocket. He knows that he doesn’t have the energy to deal with his family right now, no matter how worried they are. He feels guilty for ignoring Jace but he can’t help himself as he tries to cover his ears in a desperate attempt to stop from hearing the words that are inside his head. You’re nothing, Magnus had said and Alec tries to shake the thought away. When Alec opened up about all that his parents put him through, Magnus had sworn up and down that Alec did not deserve that treatment and that he was loved. Now, to hear that he was nothing, just a boy toy, from Magnus himself was just utterly destroying. Alec isn’t sure how long he sits there, his chest heaving as the words circle his brain but by the time he finally moves, the sun has long since set and the moon is high in the air.

***

Alec manages to avoid Magnus for three days until he has no choice but to go back to the loft, not only to retrieve his spare seraph blade but also because Isabelle had threatened to kick him out of the Institute for a week if he didn’t talk to Magnus. When he had returned back to the Institute three days ago, his siblings were pacing in his bedroom and practically attacked Alec as soon as he walked through the door. Alec couldn’t bring himself to tell them what had happened, instead just telling them he needed some time alone before promptly kicking the two of them out of his room. As soon as he was alone, the tears renewed and Alec sinks to the ground, burying his head in his knees as he sobs. He then proceeded to throw himself into work, steadfastly avoiding both his siblings and Magnus for as long as possible. Then Isabelle demands he go get his blade for proper check in and while he’s at it, actually talk to Magnus. She hugs him before shooing him off, her hands on her hips and giving no room for argument. Alec paces in front of the door for a few moments before hesitantly raising his hand to knock. It feels weird to knock on Magnus’s door, it had become a habit to just unlock the door with his key and walk in. Normally he’d be greeted by a kiss from Magnus and all the day’s tensions would just disappear but now, Alec has never felt more nervous and sick in his life. The door swings open, revealing a disheveled looking Magnus with eyeliner smeared under his eyes and one of Alec’s sweaters hanging off his body. He looks shocked to see Alec and steps aside quickly, letting the shadowhunter into the house with a hopeful and sad look. Alec closes his eyes, ignoring the way longing flies up in him at finally seeing Magnus again and heads towards the box by the door. Magnus had set the box up as a place to store his weapons, other than the few that are strategically stationed around the house, and Alec tosses open the lid. Magnus hovers beside him, his arms wrapped protectively around his body as he watches Alec with a hopeful look. The shadowhunter reaches into the box, pulling out a seraph blade that he almost always kept at Magnus’s house on the off chance something happened and he didn’t have his bow. Alec turns around, preparing to leave without a single word from either of them before catching sight of Magnus. The warlock looks exhausted, dark bags under his eyes and his makeup looks as if it’s been slept in. There’s tear stains on his cheeks and Alec can practically feel his heart break at the sight of Magnus.

“Alexander.” Magnus begs silently and Alec takes a deep, steadying breath before closing his eyes. Magnus sighs sadly and nods his head, moving to walk past Alec when the shadowhunter shoots a hand out. The movement successfully halts Magnus’s step and the warlock turns to look up at Alec brokenly. Alec doesn’t seem to know what to say or how to start this conversation and instead he pulls Magnus to his chest, wrapping his arms around Magnus’s shoulders. Magnus makes a sound between a gasp and a sob, wrapping his arms around Alec’s torso and pulls the shadowhunter as close as he can. Alec feels a wetness soaking through his shirt and he tightens his grip on Magnus’s shoulders. Alec pulls back, keeping a hand resting on Magnus’s shoulder as he glances at the warlock. There are fresh tears pouring down his cheeks and he looks so guilty that it almost makes Alec start crying again.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Magnus chokes out and Alec nods, wiping Magnus’s tears away on pure instinct before leading the warlock to the couch, “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, please I’m so sorry.” Magnus keeps repeating his apologies over and over again until Alec reaches up, placing a finger to his lips to shush the warlock.

“Magnus, it’s going to be okay. Let’s just talk okay?” Alec asks in a wavering voice as Magnus nods his head rapidly, looking relieved and guilty at the same time. It’s a devastating combination, one that has Alec’s heart breaking as he taps his toes anxiously in his boots.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Alec offers softly and Magnus seems to think for a moment before nodding his head.

“A client wanted a demon summoned. The client must’ve broken the seal and left, the demon got loose and here we are.” Magnus explains softly, his voice filled with self-deprecation and Alec wants to forgive it all in that moment, just to make Magnus feel better but he can’t. The words that Magnus had said had completely broken Alec and he can’t stop thinking about them, worrying himself sick over what Magnus had said.

“I didn’t think warlocks could get possessed.” Alec wonders aloud and Magnus sighs, shrugging his shoulders as he glances down at his hands in his lap.

“Sometimes it happens, usually with Greater Demons or when the warlock is particularly exhausted. This past week has just been horrible, I was asleep on my feet and it got the better of me. Alexander, I’m so sorry. I am so sorry.” Magnus apologizes and tears start pouring out his eyes again. Magnus tries to wipe them away quickly, in an attempt to hide the tears, but Alec catches them anyway. 

“I’m not going to lie and say what you said didn’t hurt.” Alec starts and Magnus tenses, looking at him with a broken look that spurs Alec to talk faster, “It did, but I don’t think it was you. And even if it was, even if I’m nothing but a bit of fun for you, I want to be with you. I know that sounds ridiculous but I love you. So yes, maybe what was said hurt but was it really you or was it a demon trying to hurt me?” Alec seems to ask the question more to himself than Magnus but the warlock jumps at the chance to reassure both of them that it wasn’t him.

“You’re not a toy, you’re not some fling. Alexander, I love you so much and care about you so much that it scares me.” Magnus replies quickly, turning his body entirely to face Alec and his arms are at his sides. He’s completely open to Alec and the shadowhunter reaches forward hesitantly, intertwining his and Magnus’s fingers. Alec’s hands are shaking in Magnus’s hand and he’s trying to breathe slowly in an attempt to calm down. 

“Do you remember what was said?” Alec asks, eager to change the subject away from the thought of him just being a simple fling. Magnus sighs and closes his eyes briefly before nodding his head reluctantly. He looks sad and regretful, causing Alec to squeeze his hand reassuringly.

“Am I…am I really nothing to you?” Alec chokes out, trying to figure out a way to avoid hurting Magnus more with his words. It doesn’t work and Magnus tenses, glancing down at their intertwined hands instead of meeting Alec’s eyes. Alec sighs, pulling his hand away from Magnus as he stands.

“I understand.” Alec whispers and starts to head out towards the door as Magnus flies to his feet, grabbing Alec’s arm to stop the shadowhunter from leaving. Magnus’s legs are shaking with nerves as he tugs on Alec’s arm back towards the couch.

“Alexander. You’re everything to me.” Magnus stresses, cupping the shadowhunter’s cheek, “I’m so sorry that you thought you were nothing. I’m so sorry for everything I said, please I’m so sorry. You’re not nothing.” Alec turns his face away from Magnus in an attempt to hide the tears that are starting to well up in his eyes. Magnus gently reaches up, setting his hand against Alec’s cheek and he uses his thumb to wipe away the tears that are starting to fall from Alec’s eyes.

“Darling, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you know that. I will never let you forget how much you mean to me.” Magnus whispers and Alec shrugs a bit, looking insecure enough to make Magnus’s heart break. 

“Magnus.” Alec kind of chokes out, eyes shiny with tears, “Can I stay?” Magnus nods his head, tugging Alec towards their bedroom and the shadowhunter follows slowly. Magnus’s hands are shaking as he gently wraps a blanket around the two of them. 

“I love you Alexander. You’re perfect.” Magnus whispers in Alec’s ear, the two of them wrapped around each other and Magnus runs a hand across Alec’s back, “I have dated and loved people before but darling, I can not express to you everything that you mean to me. I can’t even bear to think of what would have happened if you hadn’t come back. I’ve been a mess this week.” Magnus stares down at the shadowhunter, letting Alec lean heavily into his shoulder and curling up into his chest. Magnus can’t help but think that he looks like a cat and he can’t help but enjoy the feeling of having Alec back in his arms.

“I have been too, I really missed you Magnus.” Alec whispers against Magnus’s chest and Magnus tightens his arms around the younger shadowhunter. 

“I’m right here.” Magnus reassures and Alec nods his head, letting himself relax against Magnus’s chest as he listens to Magnus take deep breaths. They may have a long way to go but Magnus is very willing to do whatever it takes to make sure Alec knows just how much he truly means. No matter how long it takes, Magnus is more than willing to spend the rest of their time together making sure that Alec knows he matters.


End file.
